Melancholy Of A Former Dreamer

What is life useful for, to a man who's lost everything to society?
What more could bedarken his steps as he tread his own face again?
What more pieces of his heart be shredded and maimed still
By those whom he thought would welcome him here?

Pagans, alas these thoughts be named oh so true
An analogy to the faith he carries on still
Of hearken low sighs and blackened fake smiles
For the one who is lost and would still be losing

For long I had thought that I could stake claim
If only these ways were three and not two
To lose your ideals or to lose your reality
But tormented my present would that be so fair?

I rued the day I've made this damn choice
Of choosing the world instead of my world
Alas if I knew of what I know now
Then never shall I crave to be so adulted!

So now the choices are but two again
Even when my God is one and but one
I hated that number from the bottom of my heart
Thus why must it two? Why must not three???

I see no future in two of those choices
I see no resets or means to turn back
Oh dark and so gloomy I'm pained in my shell
And three twenty two I'm screaming in chains!

To go on forlorn, till rot sets me in
Or to stop and be burned, no heavens for later
No lines in between, no third or fourth options
Now tell me oh please, to whom should I plea???

Oh God why must Life be me in so festered?
Why must I be born in times oh so putrid?
Is it to my name, that I'd be a fool?
No money no wealth, no friends so buffooned?

Am I just a face, in times of the edge?
Just one piece of clothes, with box as my roof?
Huddling in groups, warming in barrels?
And just one short fuse to call it insane?

Or should I choose this, my hand my own death?
With rope or with poison, so foaming my mouth?
Or sharp piercing metal, astaked to the heart?
Then breathes my own blood, with fire my pit?

Oh cruel and so cruel, my life and my death
No wonderings where Light had lit me so far
I crave no more pity, for I know Life too well
And yearns no more veangeance, its sweetness too short

So now I am lost in swirls and in hurls
No light no more darkness could tear me apart
Until God returns this is how I will stay
Now go and get lost, before you'd become me!