The End Of This Me

So now in the end, when the days begin to get colder and darker, oh grey late October
Where are you now my friend, when I need you the most in this moment of prayers?
For gone are the days of brightly smiling skies, when clouds are but candies and winds cracking jokes
And rain were just tears of joy for renewing gildness, where we planted our hopes in fields oh so green

But here in my room of gloom and much coldness, bereft of all light but the ones on the floor
I would gaze at the screen so white and so glowing for buttons of black, tinkling the last of the midnight away
Fading so helplessly into oblivion as if this Life now be an undead mistake, rotting alive but breathing still
Withholding my tears as if some drops might still they form again, yet in truth I'm beyond all remorse!

Could there be a door so golden as to take me back to the crossroad's beginning?
Or perhaps I'm just waiting for the end to come ring my bells, in bared and in dread?
Or maybe there'd be third and a better way, do please tell me now; for this to let loose?
Of a sliver of rays for me to throw out my garbage, my sins and regrets all rolled into one?

Alas, only you can I trust for bursting the knowledge, when friendly we are but youth is so short
But where are you now, when the winds greet me cold, forever in grief for natures mismatched?
Could I may it be, a wanderer too deep, too lost and too alien, not right for this world?
Or shall I but bleed to know I'm alive, and all these are just mere phases of wisdom?

Too many a time now, that I did express, this rigid northward paths be not right for me still
But why am I here, when the light now did flicker, in time for the twilight to cast me in darkness?
Too much is it not, that I'd ask for just freedom, but what is this now, that I'm now but facing
Is it just a while, or my hearse's final nail, of which I did hear, the hammering of so often?

I remember did once, but now its all gone, traded did I then for the life in the flesh
No memory of the past, the future now bleeds, to tame all my will, like horses in wheels
This flame must glow still, for me to walk on, no light at the end, this night could be long
But just for a smile, for you my dear friend, enough be for me, but never you're near!

So grey now my keyboard, for morning of desires, just words for my lull, but never it comes
This magic of moments, for you and for me, oh cruel much this fate, but that was no stranger
For the kid within me, he did cry no more, and prayers are but comforts, for those who is lost
And so I must leave, to face more black walls, but never I'd forget, for this may not be

The end of my misery
The end of this me...

October Of Nothing

So now we arrive in the red blood month of October past, but to much of this me I have none but contempt
Too stark to wreak much havoc I spare the parts of years to come, starting backwards at best all the way
But maybe a bit of a prayer is all that we need to start the day when all is gone and buried but not mourned
Stripped bare of all glitter and unnecessary hypocrisy these mean, mean girls of all summer I hear them all drowned!

And now I am here sifting the sky again, plainly as if my punishment for existing, for more info please contact God
Tired am I still of being in a pomp of ridicule, too special as if nobody allowed me to talk like I'm the only one born oh-so-stupid!
And so I let them speak in silence like my voice is too special to be heard, but so god-damn what of what their blasted hearts contained for real?
For if you chose to act like oh-so-much of an Alpha Male then I wish you good luck in your chosen way based on your ever-so-smartypants intelligence!

God, how am I to deal with those who is too much of a coward to leave but continue to piss me off as if they're god?
So now who is the gentleman and who is the childish bastard here in this unhallowed co-habitation; oh pray tell O You The All-Knowing-All-Wise?
For none  may be so reviled as the one who thinks he's so far better than the rest but he's actually far less dignified than a pile of shit
So now my poem comes to an end before I let somebody's head roll off his shoulder real soon...

SAIF MINTAKA
KL
2011