Your Divine Secret

I heal the seal of magick, from the depths of karma so sickeningly spot-on

Of what has happened not exactly what I wanted but hey, who would suspect much?

And now I believe that this month I kid you not that I hate you God, of why do I feel that everything that I do

Would materialize in an instant in the form of that sickeningly pissed-off feeling that you're toying with my fate again?

God, why must everything feels upside down or unhatched at best, whenever I pulled an awkward stunt with a member of humanity

Though its not really that big of a deal to me, but hey, why do You have to reset all my Providence button just like that?

Why didn't You understand that all this are just human mishaps, a misadventure at worst, but to You, You just have to make me suffer out of one teensy-weensy bit of mistake

While at the same time You tell the masses that You are not cruel and petty, how many faces do You have, huh?

God, I hate You, I really hate it when everytime it happens, instead of giving me a time-out to feel sorry and grieve for what I've done

You only made it worse by making the situation turning into an analogy of a gigantic pressure cooker, in which my only way of repenting is to beat myself blind

Quadrupled to that when the pressure now it cooks me, the more intense I shall punish myself, while You did nothing but watch me acting all so stupid!

I can't believe You could be that cruel! Why can't you just let me suffer my awkward moments in silence? Why must you intensify my already tormenting atonement acts?

Enough! I've had enough of these schmucks, dear God, please, stop doing that! You're supposed to be my shoulder to cry on, my bosom to weep at my failures and not this!

You're making me feel more and more of imagining You in my mind as a sick entity who loves to torture penitent people instead of raising their face back to Heaven, You sicken me, You got that? You do!

Now go and find some other means to torment me for whatever that I've said in here out of all honesty, and let me remember that it was You who told me that honesty was a part of Your Divine Secret

What could be more truthful than that, dear God? Why is it that it feels so wrong for me to feel bad for my mistakes and then You came and make it worse?

Prove to me that I'm wrong to think of You this way!

SAIF MINTAKA

KL

2013